Written by Robert J. Hardy

Fatherhood, now that’s a word you don’t hear too often. Focus is usually built around motherhood, which is certainly understandable; I mean after all, the developmental stages of having a life grow inside you, gender outcome, the baby shower, and of course the overall miracle of childbirth, who could deny that? Certainly not me! Fatherhood however, is a word that sometimes gets overlooked. It could mean many different things for many different people I suppose, but for me, it signifies the foundation of your perspective in life. If you were to use your own childhood and how you were raised as a point of reference, it would be reflected upon how you would raise your own children. As you get older, and more mature, you can either follow the same parental behavior patterns or perhaps change how you perceive things in life in order to change the outcome to better benefit your children. Easier said then done right?

That being said, as I’ve gotten older, and yes, more mature, having children has not only taught me how to become a good dad, but also taught me how to grow as a person as well. Implementing the things I’ve enjoyed while growing up such as family gatherings, going to amusement parks, board games, eating out, etc., etc., or simply just talking with one another. I’ve certainly used those attributes the best I could when it came to my turn at being a dad. Sure I’ve made a few mistakes along the way, you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t, but the important thing is that you learn from them. As for me, being a parent has always been a work in progress. The old, learn as you go, as it were. :)

On a warm summer day in July of 1986, was when Andrew, my first child was born, I thought it was the most wonderful thing in the world. Though I was only 21 years old at the time, and not having any “real” life experiences myself, somehow I just knew that my life was to forever change from that point. Of course I welcomed the change.

In November of 1987 we were blessed with the birth of my second son, Jason. At that point, I couldn’t imagine my life without having kids around. I use the term “blessed” because if it weren’t for them boys, I don’t know what I would be doing or what kind of person I were to become. They literally changed my whole life, and I’m forever grateful!

People have always told me that I was great with kids, and would probably be a good dad. So here I was, with a brand new baby boy cradled in my arms, and one crawling on the floor and thought, now is the time to see what kind of dad I was to become. They became my soul reason for settling down and becoming a man, I was ready to start learning how to be a dad. But as I soon found out, parenthood is something that cannot be taught, it has to come from within.

Growing up I tried to give them the room to just be themselves, so together we implemented what we called, “men’s day”. That’s when we would get together, just us with no girls allowed, and would tell corny jokes, make fun of people, see how far we could spit, as well as anything else that women would find disgusting. It was a very special time that the boys and I shared together.

I’m 42 now, and looking back, I think I did ok at being their dad. My oldest son Andrew works in the automotive field and just got his very first apartment. My youngest son Jason is in the Air Force as a Crew Chief stationed in Arizona. Both are doing well and very happy at what they do. What more could I ask for?

Somewhere along the way I’ve ran across the phrase, “Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad”. I didn’t really know what that meant when I was younger, but I do now.

I’ve since then relocated to my hometown Houston, remarried and had a beautiful little girl named Amanda, she’s 19 months and she is absolutely without a shadow of doubt my whole heart. My wife Geraldine is in her 3rd trimester carrying our new son Ryan. It seems as though God has blessed me by given me a chance to raise a family from a different perspective on life in general. My wife has always wanted children but couldn’t find the right person, so she waited. And here I come along with the mind-set them I’m done with children. But looking around while my boys were getting ready to graduate high school, I realized that I wasn’t as happy anymore. So, once we decided to start having children together, everything else just seemed to click in the right direction.

I started writing this piece about fatherhood two weeks ago, starting with a rough draft, and then editing from that point. I figured it would take about two or three days to complete. How wrong was I? You can’t put down 21 years of parenting experience in three days!

So in closing, if I’ve learned nothing else, is that the most important thing any father could do, is just listen. Give to them the room and flexibility to grow in order to become the person they’re meant to be, not as you would want them to be. As a father, I want to give to my children happiness, knowledge and wisdom to make the right choices in life. This world would be a better place having done so. Fatherhood, it’s such a wonderful thing. :)